Relations // Wedding

Second marriage - a victory of hope over experience of life

have a family - this is a normal, legitimate desire of every person, because he is a social being.It is contraindicated only those individuals that exhibit the following traits:

• total rejection of other people, especially members of the opposite sex;
• persistent allergic to the execution of conjugal duty;
• inability to compromise;
• maniacal unwillingness to tolerate other people's flaws, habits and characteristics;
• predisposition to antisocial behavior, drug addiction, alcoholism;
• lack of desire to have a family.

Fortunately, these extremes are rare.While some and they do not interfere to create something similar to the social institution called the people "marriage" ... in every sense of the word.

We all need close friends and a place where we could come with their joys and troubles and to be heard.And nowhere on it does not get.

And when we do not get the first time to create a strong happy family, we do not lose hope to carry this desire in the second and third marriage.And rightly so

!Just before you do that, I think we need to very carefully to understand why the first attempt did not work, and not to repeat mistakes.

second and third one family often built in the image of the first.With only minor modifications.And a new partner, like an old, even externally.Why is this happening?"Why do I get the same pole and step on the same rake" - you think.Let's try to understand this.

• you are attracted to the same type of people, it is incorporated genetically (future companion most like his father);
• you have not learned from the mistakes of the past marriage, and life gives you another opportunity to understand something about yourself and the relationship with the people;
• influenced your thinking patterns, which you can say goodbye only an effort of will;
• This happens when you are not clearly defined with who you really want in life, what should be your true choice and your marriage.
• have not changed yourself, your views, thoughts, expectations, occupation, habits ... So what do you want from others.External still internal.Change you - and change the world around you.

Sometimes shame and the country faces in its new partner with those traits that are so annoying in the former.So the stereotypes are born, such as "all men are free ..." depending on what we have to deal.

If you were given the opportunity to continue the phrase that you have written on the spot, "Bast ..."?Game of association, both in the consulting room.What came to mind - that is your true attitude to this issue.This is where to look for.

Do you know of such an interesting psychological patterns - flaws that we do not like other people, and those with whom we often struggle in others, are always present in us?Only they are hidden deep in the subconscious.

We are trying by all means to hide them from others.But according to the law of meanness that most want to hide, it is obvious.You never noticed?Think about it at your leisure.Be sure to find yourself in the dash, for which so hate your boss.

Those who most talks about energy vampires or monstrous forms of avarice, themselves proving to be a bright energy vampires or miser.Like this!

Try sensibly, dropping the old grudges and thoughts of his infallibility, to reflect on the causes of your past problems.Not with the position of the victims cheated, and from the perspective of a man capable of a critical look at themselves and their lives.Understand the causes and lessons learned.

When all is honestly looking into the eyes of reality suddenly realize - people disappear from the life of that strain, and actions that are tortured and forced to blush.To do this, even nothing much to do, just to realize and accept this, calm and sensible.

What's the use telling myself that I never did change, because deep monogamous, faithful and devoted people.Great!Loyal and faithful!But you happy?Hang this in your devotion to a frame on the wall and enjoy!Or put a monument in the center of the kitchen.Suddenly, the grateful descendants kneel.

A little you make yourself and the world imperfect, so that can be a betrayal, mistakes and wrong doings?

Here you are, for example, faithful and true, but the "top ten" Aunt Masha, a neighbor, not loaned.Regretted.And remember, on Saturday when no one was home, you will not be rushed, as usual, around the house with a vacuum cleaner and not plowed at all, you got tired of being a servant, but simply lain in front of a TV all day, the latter with a full tray of lazy popthe roots that hates sweep of angles after them a treat your children.Remembered?Aha!So you're not so perfect.And from the other waiting for some ideal acts and manifestations.Go down to the ground, my dear!And accept it for what it is, an imperfect and unpredictable!

And forget about the ideal relationship and family idylls of golivudskih movies.They do not exist!

Life is so beautiful, and that is far from ideal!

what is useful to you in a new marriage

... and probably protect against stresses and error because it:

Tolerance .Very useful quality is given not for everyone.Because it requires some effort.For example, as a polite and humorous insist that your husband and children picked up from the floor, my socks?At a certain diligence you can do it.Here are some personal qualities satellites change will never be possible.Yes, and it is a thankless occupation - to correct someone.You can never be intolerant of physical disabilities, psychological characteristics of another person, his weaknesses.Because the attack on the perceived weaknesses of the most painful.

sense of humor .Try to look at everything with humor, even when you do not have to laugh.There is an old song, a wonderful showing this thought: "Rise and shine, try at least once in his life did not produce a smile from public eyes.Let capricious success, he chooses from those who can laugh at themselves first.Sing asleep, sing in his sleep, rise and shine! "Wow, really!Those people who do it, know how to be happy in all circumstances.

absence of unrealistic expectations and inflated claims .Do not you think that you are too demanding of your partner.And at the slightest discrepancy your expectations despair, angry, annoyed.Who told you that you are eligible.The other man was not created to meet your expectations and requirements.His value to the world does not depend on your opinion.Remember that.And accept, such as it is.Or do not take at all.

Flexibility .Do not be maximalist in a second marriage.Stubbornness and pride, inability to compromise, neprobivaemost and concrete, you may call to principle, it is really just nonsense.So you can break the stress.Is not it better to learn how to be a diplomat, to make concessions, to come to a consensus?It is always better to direct confrontation.Simply put, become softer, more pliable and flexible, and life will cease to expose you to the concrete walls in which you are wrong header.

Goodwill .Try to see in your partner only good, cultivate positive qualities in him.For the kind words he would be immensely grateful to you, and even if some of your praise is not entirely coincide with reality, but is only desirable, it is very quickly become a reality.Call the person pig, and he soon zahryukaet.Call swan, and he will be fine.Excessive criticality and severity did not contribute to the warm atmosphere in the house.But this is what we all aspire.

Do not despair if the second time it does not work, you still have time until old age, you can search and experiment.Some manage to get married at 75, 80 years.It would be a wish!

Never put on a cross.Many researchers have noticed that the second marriage a man becomes more tolerable and mild.Having learned from bitter experience, he no longer seeks to conquer territory and not fighting for the championship.He tries to live.In harmony with yourself and partner.The very existence of such a desire - the first step to success of the new marriage!

Good luck in the field happy family life!

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