November
05
10:30
Relations // Wedding

How to really marry a foreigner

Direction - West

phenomenon called "female marriage migration", was recorded by experts in the mid-1990s.After the "Iron Curtain" fell with a crash, many women got a real opportunity to get to the magical land of their dreams under the name abroad.Our imagination presented rivers of milk and milk and honey, which are snow-white palaces inhabited by beautiful and gallant princes.We know exactly "there" - better.Higher standards of living, the inviolability of the laws, cleaner streets, tasty burgers.And they knew: "here" - the best woman.Beautiful, kind, sympathetic, shopping and most importantly - know how to be grateful.The mysterious Slavic soul in exchange for Western quality of life - the exchange of the two sides believed honest.But in actual fact it turned out that the submission of each other on both sides of the former curtain were badly caught on in amazement found that the well-being of their husbands is based on the economy, bordering on avarice, and throw the money in their environment is

not accepted.But foreign princes wondered why the wife does not go crazy with joy, finding a new house iron, refrigerator and washing machine: not she had been deprived of all of this on their impoverished homeland ?!The first wave of euphoria subsided, hail rained everyday stories of devastating divorce, failure emigrants on the career field, marriage scams, criminal structures of human trafficking ... We have become mistrustful, self-sufficiency, began to travel abroad and communicate with "them" not as Martiansbut as with business partners and just a pleasant companion in Internet chat rooms, all to soon marry a rich foreigner."Interdevochek" fewer, but the flow of customers in the international marriage agencies remained stable for many years.How to really marry a foreigner - not many are ready to answer this question.


And now - at the beginning of this year
Justice Minister Mykola Onischuk, referring to the statistics of the civil registry, notes a trend: every 30 minutes a marriage registered in Ukraine, signed between our compatriots and foreign citizens.Even if we take into account the citizens of CIS countries - still impressive stats.And, as I said in the central registry office in Kiev, in the vast majority of these pairs is an alien fiance."Take away our girls ..." - I sighed the employee, informing me Statistics.

If we talk about the age of prospective brides who do not know how to actually get married to a foreigner, and who dream of a happy marriage, among them are clearly distinguished the two groups.The first - very young girls, only that of the universities: 22 - 25 years.The second - the ladies with experience, with one or two failed marriages behind him, sometimes with children and have established a career - it 35 years or more.


reason for a new wave of
marriage migration on the surface.Yes, the most notorious of the six letters of the word, the last "c".Difficult times have the ability to activate in us the most tenacious myths.And even knowing that "there" - their problems and life is not so rosy, as we used to be in hard times of crisis we relocate to where it should be better.Just because "there" - this is not "here".Well, where we do not have a handsome prince in fairy tales is not by chance only live far away, and no one - in a nearby castle.Drop everything and go - this is the easiest way to change the lives and the crisis - is a boost to the development, makes us more determined to achieve the goals that once seemed unattainable.

Firstly, women go abroad for higher here than the quality of life, and to want to marry a rich foreigner.And, secondly, they are looking for a different model of relations, a different attitude to him than the one to which they are accustomed to at home.No coincidence that many international marriages between young girls and middle-aged men.Young woman waiting for a marriage confidence in the future, which, in its views, is able to provide only the adult solid man.Such views, of course, linked to the ideal image of the father - the image is created in almost any woman.


What motivates
foreign prince on a white limousines?To date, they stopped to look at the Slavic women as cheap domestic workers or a beautiful accessory for publication.Much more important for them both our quality - sharper than Western women of marriageable age, the focus on the family, not a career.Almost each of our woman marries a foreigner is planning to acquire the status of children.

Looks future wife, however, still important for foreign suitors - Slavic type of beauty goes out of fashion, not only on the catwalks."Coming to Ukraine, Western men immediately say how much we have beautiful girls.European and American women's highly developed sense of ownership.

Men are so easy to find a wife - is not only beautiful but also kind, gentle, intelligent.Her young age - an added bonus in a highly competitive environment. "According to Anastasia, many Western businessmen say they have agreed to deal with Ukraine, with the local unstable economic situation, just because a spouse found here.So the bride export work well and the international image of the country - the crisis is also an important plus.


crisis expectations

Rainbow submission of a new life, which we think should be better simply because it is new, when moving abroad often split - not about "life", like the love boat,but the cultural and psychological differences between the two countries.The downside is, as always, the continuation of merit.

We mentioned that one of the motivations of women who marry foreigners, is the desire to fundamentally different relationship than it is accepted in our culture.The victory of feminism real, not declared the equality of men and women in the West, manifested not only legally, but also in everyday life: to replace the patriarchal "husband around the head" comes to parity in relations, in a pair of both strive to take into account the desire of both partners.For example, as a result of numerous campaigns against domestic violence men in America and Europe almost everywhere have learned that when a woman says "no" - it means "no."Even the doubts and hesitations are interpreted in favor of the "no."In practice, this can result in a situation: the husband simply does not go into the bedroom of his wife, if she closes the door on the night.The next morning - mutual bewilderment: "Why did you not come to me?" - "But you closed the door, I could not come?"Also, many Ukrainian women leads to a screeching halt husband's habit of asking her opinion and interested in her choice: a girl brought up in the firm belief" a man must decide, "may not always properly understand what she really wants, and that to voice their desires -is permissible.In general, Europeans and Americans in particular are able and eager to talk about feelings and discuss the relationship.If your partner has gone through a difficult divorce, and it certainly has worked this problem with a therapist and now knows how to talk about these things before they lead to the collapse of the family.


broad Slavic soul
not always fit into the carefully cherished desire to protect the private space, which is especially characterized by the Americans (among Europeans usually behave as the British, Germans and Scandinavians, and to a lesser extent - the French and the representatives of the peoples of the South).Society there is so arranged that each person keeps, vigilantly guarding the integrity of native and foreign private life.Someone can fit, I - no.I appreciate the simplicity and directness of the relationship. "Even in a circle of close friends is not accepted to invade each other's personal territory - so families of children and parents live separately, the conflicts "the daughter - in-law" are rare, and grown heirs "are pushed out of the nest" on reaching the age of majority, if the desire for freedom is not leaped fromthey used to be.Someone greeted by a model of relationship: the most civilized, someone decides that this dish is not enough heat and a pinch of soul.But the common relations in society, like the weather: it can not be changed, can only adapt to it.

In western families are practically no "wars" between relatives, including former spouses: the new park "were" happy to meet, spend time with the children, and so on. N. - A model of family experts have called polynuclear.No jealousy in these cases do not arise - in fact all the problems for a long time spoke and worked, no one holds stones in his bosom."5" us, it can cause association with the "open marriage", to which we also belong ambiguous.

Women's forums are full of complaints about the greed of foreign suitors: our ladies do not fit in the head, how and why wealth coexists with such incomprehensible economy.Why, if the income of her husband - a hundred thousand dollars a year, he can not now give her five thousand?This is even after the spouse on the fingers explains her where it leave the hundred thousand - tax credits and so on.Often the bride's face and the fact that a successful husband does not seek to lead a life that corresponds to (according to the woman), his status.One such novel heroines international married respectable Norwegian businessman and was literally shocked that her husband prefers to Spartan lifestyle, living in a simple wooden house with a minimum of necessary things and spend a lot of time in the gym.


Ukraine - not Europe?

have pretty good and Ukrainian brides also there than to drive her husband to a screeching halt.Prudent Europeans do not understand our desire and ability to live beyond their means, "Where in the courts of the" Khrushchev "is taken luxury car?What to do in such a gorgeous renovated apartment and get into excessive debt, organizing a wedding or other celebration? "Skoriny in the West prefer to live modestly and peaceful" Western businessmen say they are noisy and fun cities as Moscow and Kiev, are perfect forIn order to spend a youth - more advanced age they choose less urbanized residence. "Puzzled foreign brides and about our "What will people say?" - They have such closely looking back at all the relatives and neighbors survived only in small towns.

As for the notorious thrift, which Ukrainian wife hurry to impress their foreign husbands in the West it is more puzzling: thanks to the development of technologies housekeeping requires a minimum of effort.Why create yourself complexity, and then courageously to overcome them, if all household problems can be solved by pressing a few buttons?


In any case, even if the future spouses had time to get to know each other, to travel to visit, meet with family and friends - about a year after moving out to adapt to the new situation.And it's not the language barrier (all experts unanimously say that the problem is the smallest of all possible), but in a fundamentally different environment with other orders, traditions, habits, rhythm of life.It is inevitable complexity, it must simply wait, are not rushing to extremes, and do not rush immediately to pick up your suitcase has not exploded and jerk home, as did many impatient newlyweds.Even if the country seems close Ukraine - without adaptation period is necessary.Eugene, who married in Poland, admitted to me that the first six months have been unbearable difficult: I did not realize what I was doing and where I go.But then, as, surprisingly, helped me new friends and relatives - in Poland are well to the Ukrainians, so to communicate with me very kindly.


Judging
, how many of these issues emerges at closer look at cross-cultural marriages, we are still not such a Europe, which want to appear.So - we had inevitably attracted to each other.Perhaps in time, when the crisis will subside and the notorious integration occurs not only at summit meetings, but also in the heads, we will be able to see each other not aliens, but just interesting and nice people.Because the practice shows that the strongest marriages are those in which the ethnic difference between spouses is not bulging and looks every minute of all the gaps in the relationship.But in this case, perhaps it makes no sense to talk about a trend: it is - a simple life.