Children // Psychology and development

What is the meaning of life habits?

¬ęStop biting his collar.People are watching.You want all of you to laugh or specifically do to annoy me? "- Once again scolds mother of five years of glory."I do not want - he shakes his head - not on purpose, I did not touch him, he somehow gets into my mouth."Mom answer even more annoying, but ... son of the rights.It really happens against his will.This is the main difference from the obsessions of bad habits.If the child does not take away their toys or, on the contrary, I love that all was always piled the boxes - it's a habit (when a person can do differently, but prefers that way).If bites his nails, pulls hair, squeaking or chattering teeth, picking the skin on the hands or feet, bites her lip, and makes it all many times - it's an obsession.He adequately refers to comments and even the understanding that it is not necessary to do so, but still does not control the moment when it begins.Obsessive actions (compulsions) can be very diverse.Five-year Lena could not help if seen near a plant: obliga

tory take leaf, put it in his pocket and, without taking your hands, tear it into small-small pieces.Prohibitions belief that plants need to love and to cherish, not acted.Then the grandmother decided to change tactics and saw once again the small green remains, exclaimed in horror: "What are you - plucked this flower?But he is a poisonous, and now you can get sick!Many plants are dangerous to your health! ".Method acted - Lena was scared and even cry.Flowers to tear it stopped, but the beginning of picking his nose.A special case of obsessions - tics.They are motor - associated with involuntary contraction of muscles of the face, extremities (blinking, twitching cheeks wince, shrug) and vocal (cough, wheezing, shmygane).Tiki virtually disappear if the child is busy with some interesting, I was fond of his work, and resumed when the child gets bored or when unpleasant experiences.These ticks are different from twitch muscles in neurological diseases.

How it all began?

Normally parents can not answer this question.No significant stress.There were family problems - and a year has passed.But the events of long-standing and seemingly safely experienced may cause obsessions.Children often do not have the possibility to react to stress, adults tend to think: "Little else, he understands nothing.And I do not particularly care about how to restore emotional balance."We had a very difficult divorce.It was preceded by the betrayal, strife, care of the house and even physical abuse.And we decided, let's daughter will live with my grandmother until we face it.She went for six months.Since then, I have a feeling that in her throat something stuck, it often produces a sound like choking.The survey found that everything is in order, but the sounds are continuing. "Children are very sensitive to the emotions of adults and to what is happening in the family.Even if parents do not quarrel at all ("to sleep, then let's talk"), children still feel that something is wrong.Anxiety small child in this case is incomparable.For him the world collapses when he feels the negative changes.Of course, if at this time to pick him up, cuddle, talk and make sure everything will be fine, it will not survive the stress that hard.But at this time there is not an adult to children.And then the child may appear tics - as a subconscious desire to draw attention to themselves and the need to speak out.They can safely go as soon as the situation returned to normal, but can remain on for many years."Run" obsessions can not only events in the family.Too strict teacher in a kindergarten, a long illness, injury, a situation that caused fear in the streets during large gatherings of people in the recreational activities."As a child I was stuck in an elevator.I remember, terribly frightened - especially because my mother did not allow one to enter the elevator.For a while, he stood numbly, then began to put pressure on all the buttons, then - jump.At that moment, the elevator went.And for a long time, if there is something I have caused fear and difficult situations, I quietly got up and jumped up and down on his toes, even at school.I knew it was stupid, but I could not break the habit.Until jump - I will not rest. "These obsessions - in the form of rituals - usually arise later, around 6 years.From ticks they are more "conscious" justification.But they both have the same cause - the inner anxiety, stress.

Additional problems

Usually, compulsions problem is not limited.Parents notice other undesirable effects.For example, sleep problems.The child can not fall asleep for a long time, waking up at night, can get up very early, and then the whole day feels sluggish.And with him and the whole family - in fact a dream baby becomes a universal problem.Another problem is children with obsessions - changeable mood.The vagaries of no reason, irritability, tearfulness these children are very often also attract the attention of parents and teachers.In addition, fears and general fearfulness.The baby is very wary about the world in general, as if waiting for the bad, he does not have the inherent children carelessness.Externally children obsessions may look healthy, but they are prone to vertigo, can not tolerate transport, stuffiness, and tired of the monotonous occupation, and by striking spectacle.Often they are impressionable and have a vivid imagination.

Risk Group

Most children live in approximately equal conditions.All they hear the same information, all experiencing good times, not only in the lives of their parents.But there are no compulsion at all.Moreover, even having gone through the same stress, being in a traumatic situation, children will react peculiarly one will forget in a month, while another will be a constant source of anxiety and compulsions behavior.What does it affect?Firstly, temperament and character features.A child with a weak nervous system has a lower threshold - for example, has more effect noises, bright lights, loud voices.These children continue to be more vulnerable.Secondly, great importance is heredity.Almost always at least one parent can remember that as a child he experienced something similar, he suffered intrusive.We do, anyway, especially the nervous system inherit the parents.But parents can unknowingly transmit their fears to children.For example, my mother, alarmed in confined spaces, tight squeezes her hand unconsciously baby when it enters the elevator.She rubbed one hand with the other (also unconsciously), stress looking at the car door until they open.She did not need to say that she is afraid of - at any age crumb very quickly understand it without words.The third factor is the development of obsessions - particularly education and family situation in general.And at risk as those who lack attention (gipoopeku) and those who do not give parents literally breathe on their own.Cool family atmosphere, where attention seems to be there, but sincere warm feelings still missing, too, is dangerous."Yes we are at it, and voices do not rise, which can be stressful," - say the parents, unaware that this, perhaps, is the greatest stress.To feel loved, we need to see immediate interest.Formal note disturbs, creates a feeling of necessity, lack of love.And finally, the last factor (in order, but not least) - negative events.Even a strong type of nervous system of the child may be injured as a result of significant stress.


Often parents are just very compulsive actions are considered a problem and fight with him.And it is - a big mistake.We need to think about the state of the whole child, eliminate triggers, normalize his life.While start is with a visit to a neurologist sometimes compulsive actions may be a sign of disease, it can identify only a doctor.Your irritability, negative attitude will only aggravate the problem."Yes, as you can!Force to look at it is not! "- Hold back, if you want to say something like that, but if they really feel irritated, leave the room and did not see (not hear).If a child at that age that I myself can look critically at their behavior, it is not necessary to use it (shame, we see that "people are watching").On the contrary - Make sure that there is nothing wrong, that people are very different issues.It does not increase symptoms of obsessive actions, but on the contrary, decreased.After all, sometimes obsessions (mostly concerned ticks) joins the fear expectations ("I wish I did not start doing it in the kindergarten, in the street") that disturbs and causes a new wave of ticks.A vicious circle.An indispensable condition for healing - communication with the child.Pay attention to it by any means: to make games together, involve in domestic affairs, draw, read, play catch-up on the street, just sitting next to each other's arms when watching TV.It's so simple, but often it is this therapy is most effective.

Keep in mind that boys are more likely to suffer anxiety and obsessions (about 3 times), than girls, although it may seem that everything is quite the contrary.Just Girls often expressed their concerns, fears, often cry and the boys since childhood are more secretive.So all of these boys 'tenderness' need no less - to convince ticks away with willpower ("You're the man!") Still fail.Useful and special classes.For example, drawing together with their parents, other children will contribute to the development of communication skills, reduction of fear in communication.Or writing fairy tales, when the child continues the story begun by you expressing your thoughts in it.If the fairy tale turns very dark, you tell him your option where, of course, all ended well.Well it helps sport and physical activity at all in any form.Even if you just play in the snow or putting on fights pillows, this is a very positive effect on the emotional state - it helps to relieve stress, increases self-confidence.The "real" sports - swimming, athletics, skating and so on - is perceived by children differently (depends on the coach and on the degree of load), so choose is strictly individual.And, of course, the main thing - the family atmosphere.The larger the house of joy, positive emotions, support and participation of a living human to each other, the more likely that the child will be healthy and mentally stable.