Older and younger children in the family

Location roots grow

first on the impact of the order of appearance of children in the family on the formation of his personality began Francis Galton, British anthropologist, in the late XIX century.In the early XX century, Alfred Adler, Austrian psychologist, developed the theory of "ordinal position," saying that the birth order and the presence or absence of siblings (in the language of psychology - siblings) largely determine the character.In the 1970s, Dutch psychologists and Frances Lilian Belmont Marollen put forward another theory: the more the child's older siblings, the lower the intellectual ability (say, parents pay less attention to each).However, practicing psychologists dependence birth order and the level of IQ is not confirmed.

Senior: "monarch without throne»

«And I'm the first born!" - Said my oldest, Andrew, with undisguised pride.On this basis, he considers himself always right, and teaches the brothers at every step.On & gt;He can be relied upon, but sometimes it goes too

far.Why, he sometimes shows us to some educational failures.He himself does not accept criticism.It is quite typical behavior for the first child, learn and power of parental love (after some time he was the only child), and the burden of their mistakes, anxieties, insecurities."For an older child, young mom and dad will test the educational system (copied from their parents or their own), waiting for maximum impact and results.Figuratively speaking, the first-born - as "blotting paper", which is applied to the first splashes, which absorbs most of the ink ", - says Elena Ascension, Ph.D., senior researcher at the Institute of Social and Political Psychology of NAPS of Ukraine.- But the older there is a "rival" (brother or sister), and it feels dethronement, wants to return the parental love, to be the best (hence the roots typical of the first-born of perfectionism).Parents often unknowingly reinforce this trend, saying: "You're a senior, losing, be an example!" In addition, male-female hang on the older part of the duty to care for the baby: to feed, to read fairy tales, pick up from the garden, and so on. D. Ashere is not to take over parental function?The benefits include senior ambition, integrity, perseverance: both traditional and something new (first-borns are often followers of the family business).They achieve social success, high status: according to statistics, half of the presidents of the United States - the first-born.

There are drawbacks: conservatism, authoritarianism, intolerance of errors (both own and others), hypersensitivity and anxiety: the load imposed expectations can not relax and just enjoy life.And from the throne!Right pervonasledovaniya (the throne of the property) the eldest son of well known since ancient times.Perhaps, this tradition has been associated not only with the anthropological reasons ("deficit" men short lifetime - it is important to have time to "pass"), but also with psychological features of the firstborn (reliable, able to manage)?"In part, yes.Senior early childhood faced with the need to control yourself and others, so give into his hands the reins - a sensible move.In addition, the first-born usually revered family values ​​", - said Natalia Isayeva, a psychotherapist at the Institute of counseling psychology and psychotherapy.Famous older: Winston Churchill, Boris Yeltsin, Adolf Hitler.

Average: terra incognita

«Intermediate" does not look like brothers, even externally.He is calm, diplomatic and sensitive, always doubting (what you want for me?).This "duality", although, strangely attracted: he is considered "very nice" ^ a bunch of friends.Alfred Adler (as, incidentally, is the second child in the family) said that "middling" is difficult to describe, because it can combine the features of the older and younger.That is why it is difficult to self-determination, and - there are no clear guidelines.Under pressure from both sides (it is important to catch up with older and not allow themselves to overtake the younger), he fights for his place under the sun and should be "high jump" to notice.However, this situation also gives bonuses: the development of socialization skills, diplomacy, and the formation of the position of a peacemaker, attractive to others.Middle communicating simultaneously with different social groups (adults and children), immediately goes to the most "correct" level - the "adult", which, in contrast to the "parent" or "child" can easily agree."Pros" middle - calm nature, the formation of which is facilitated by the absence of excessive parental pressure (inflated expectations, overprotective), and high communication skills (ability to listen, persuade, negotiate).Among the "cons" - the lack of leadership qualities, combined with a desire to compete (sometimes not objectively assessing their capabilities, the child puts exorbitant goal, and the likelihood of failure increases).The desire to please everyone, too, can play a cruel joke - refusing to take unpopular decisions, "middling" sometimes hurting yourself.Deprivation of rights and privileges of the senior Bush, he keenly feels "the unfairness of life."Gold seredinka

Our experts strongly supported the classical theory that the middle position of losing the most.Awkward position child can only do parents not developed their own childhood traumas, repeating "jammed" once the script.Receive less love in childhood, now they give it "a la carte", that the child and have to fight.In my psychotherapy practice is not even met.Perhaps they are the most healthy: just live and enjoy.Famous average: Mikhail Gorbachev, Vladimir Lenin, Gustave Flaubert.

Junior: pet and cunning

forgive him everything - soulful eyes (like a cat from "Shrek") and tenderness, which - he is not stingy.Although he did not rowdy childish - always comes out unscathed.Arseny five and he seems to never grow up (his brothers at this age were already defined "large").So it is a little - beneficial?I find it hard to answer his question: "Mom, why I was born last? .." The youngest was lucky he did not feel shock "deprivation throne" and has parents "experienced" less inclined to teach and bestow unconditional love ("education through onea big heart, "according to Olga Alekhine).He was always surrounded by attention (parents and older children).And this is a trick!Those who have grown up unconsciously seek to delay its formation ("let it be a baby") giving fewer orders are easy to miss, making him what he is able to for a long time myself.Therefore, the need to achieve something at a little younger, and self-esteem is often underestimated - comparing himself with the older child always loses."He runs slowly, something is able to do, wears clothes brothers and suspects (as Kid, one of Carlson), it will spread to more global things," - says Elena Ascension.However, such a position implies opposition to the elder brothers and sisters, jealousy ... and cunning.The younger always have experience of fighting (often behind the scenes) for their place in the family.On the whole, his school life quite harsh.Positive traits of the younger carefree, optimistic, ease of communication.This usually extroverts who draw their energy from interacting with people and are not afraid to take risks.Because they usually grow up artists, scientists, "changed the world" for its discoveries and revolutionary (according to research by the American historian Frank Salloueya, who studied the biographies of seven thousand historical and scientific figures).Negative: a weakened sense of independence, which leads to a violation of the boundaries of personal space of others, as well as difficulties with self-discipline and make their own decisions, so their career achievements often "lame."This contributes to the confidence of younger that they "should help."

fool you?

Why tales Jr. gets this hard-hitting label?First, as noted Natalia Isayeva, fools until the XVII century called all the younger children in the family (which means increased naivety and childishness), and a negative connotation to the word (a synonym for stupidity) gave Peter the First.In the epic fool and embodies the original meaning - childlike simplicity, honesty and openness.Secondly, with each subsequent child level expectations parents reduced."And if not" charms ", then there is no frustration - even the modest gains of younger will be the" norm ", - says Olga Alekhine.In such circumstances, "the kid" have to be more creative and find their own, different from the others, the path to success and growing up.To perform the feat, for example.Those tests, which took place Ivan the Fool - is a sort of initiation, after which it is taken into the world of "big."The lesson is that even relying on "quality of children" and staying yourself, you can succeed.Famous younger: the biblical prodigal son, Elizabeth Taylor, George Bernard Shaw.Birth order - not "fatal seal" that determines destiny.But a grain of truth in this is: after all the children, as noted by the French analyst Francoise Dolto have ... not the same parents.My mother is 20 years and mother of 35 - Miscellaneous: only first learns the basics of motherhood, the second - sagacity.This affects many aspects of the educational process.And other important factors: the atmosphere in the family, financial situation, the distribution of functions between the parents, the attitude towards children ... If the context of a family situation, and to add more natural inclinations of each child, we get the well-known "how many people, so many destinies."No matter what you do on the account, the main thing - to feel out of place.I asked each of his sons: "Do you like to be older (mean, younger)?".Firstborn replied: "Of course!Best of all?Power! "Intermediate noted that he is" special "(middle child very little), besides, he always has a playmate.A kid asked his crown: "Mom, why I am the last born?" Then he thought a moment and said, "I like it.I'm the youngest! »